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Experiencing refusal, particularly when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. Someone is turning you down, delivering a clear “Nope.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced pitching articles five decades ago, right after finishing university. Over the years, I have had several works declined, along with nonfiction proposals and countless pieces. In the last 20 years, focusing on commentary, the denials have grown more frequent. On average, I get a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to in excess of 100 annually. In total, denials over my career number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Not at all. Because, finally, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: Now, nearly every person and others has said no. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: recently, a publication nixed 20 articles one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses declined my manuscript before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives declined a project. A particular editor even asked that I send potential guest essays only once a month.

My Steps of Setback

When I was younger, each denial hurt. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my writing being rejected, but myself.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would they be blind to my skill?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the mistake? This must be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (often seasoned with optimism). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Excellent Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of authors whose books was initially rejected are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his youth squad. Most US presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to star were declined 1,500 times. He said rejection as an alarm to motivate me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

Acceptance

Later, when I entered my senior age, I reached the last step of rejection. Peace. Today, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an editor may have already featured a like work, or have one underway, or be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the editor feels I lack the credentials or reputation to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or was too distracted and reviewed my piece too quickly to appreciate its quality.

You can call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some reasons for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Within Control

Additional reasons are under your control. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my writing style, notably dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, my second, a memoir, at 65—and more than numerous essays. Those pieces have appeared in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to that publication for half a century.

However, no blockbusters, no signings publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily accept no at 73, because my, small achievements have eased the jolts of my setbacks. I can choose to be reflective about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be educational, but when you listen to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I acquired?

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