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Sometimes, Jay Spring is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “highly unrealistic”, he admits. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are typically succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his conduct, making him highly sensitive to criticism from others. He first suspected he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors on the internet – and subsequently evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment without having independently formed that conclusion by himself. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they harbor feelings of superiority. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Though people have been called narcissists for decades, it’s not always clear what the term implies the label. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states a psychology professor, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he believes many people keep it private, due to widespread prejudice linked to the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through behaviors including pursuing power,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in NPD Presentation

Though three-quarters of people identified as having the condition are men, research points out this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” says an individual who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on online channels. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and not being accepted,” she says, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to a defensive state or I become unresponsive.” Even with this response – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been trying to overcome it and take advice from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of positive role models in her youth. It’s been a process of understanding continuously what is and is not appropriate to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my family members were belittling me in my early years.”

Origins of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be linked to difficulties as a child. Genetics play a role,” notes a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he states, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve high marks and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, has difficulty with mood stability. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Subsequent to a consultation to his GP, he was directed to a mental health professional for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for psychological counseling via government-funded care (ongoing counseling is the only treatment that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for an extended period: The estimate was it is probably going to be early next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “negative perceptions are widespread that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has embraced the diagnosis. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he comments. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of digital groups indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number