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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to discover that a prominent writer a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Live Updates

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Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|