🔗 Share this article

I have been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered several hardships, which I admire. Yet, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her partner walked away, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle vanished at that point, because they seemed drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, likely realised more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few in her circle have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, both of us retired so we're spending time together, however, I feel my role in our friendship is to listen. I start subjects and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She is planning a vacation to a nation I know well on several occasions and lived in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially just desired my agreement with her plans. I recently come back from four weeks there she is eager to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she can comprehend the consequences of her actions on my confidence. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation aiming for a solution requires bravery and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. It should be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. Next is to express how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask ways you together will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider she too has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably successful to encourage mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who have a deep-seated story: they maintain a narrative about themselves they won't release because their very survival depends upon it and it represents familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present like this before reflecting about what you've said. If you never reach a fix, it will give you closure from having been open and direct.