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As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based psychotherapist focusing on treating sexual disorders.