Nighttime Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's leading entertainers used the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas jingle directed at the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new plan which permits overseas individuals to buy U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. A government portal promises processing "in record time."

"One note for you to rich applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the program is also meant to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval ratings during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.