The Advice given by A Parent That Rescued Us as a New Dad

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a broader inability to talk between men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break - going on a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."